Pain. Misery. Discomfort. We can’t escape it. We are human, this is life, and we were never promised a pure life of joy and happiness free of difficult times. Ask anyone who has had a challenging co-worker. I believe 
though, in most situations, a little negative, or pain, is a powerful thing. What is the power of negative?
We live in a society that is in pain-avoidance. Consider this. At any time, when life is difficult, we can do more than just get anxious, go for a walk or take a pill. We can put some earplugs in and literally tune someone out. We can practice massive conflict-avoidance just by plugging into a technology.
As a coach, I hope I help people navigate difficulties in life, avoid some missteps, and recover to an upright and forward position. Yet, some difficulties cannot be avoided. Pain and negativity is part of being real. Some are good pains – like learning a new computer program or starting a new exercise program. Some are intermediate pains – like attending a family reunion that you really don’t enjoy but you go to anyway, or preparing for your performance appraisal. And some are deeper pains like being in the same room with a pathological liar. It can happen. But, just because a person or activity triggers a negative response, does not mean we should automatically consider avoiding the person or situation. If we continue to walk away from those things that are painful, we will not learn any new skills, build character, or test our values. If we are always around people who make us feel great, we are just participating in confirmation bias. We are getting our daily (or even hourly) dose of dopamine to keep us going.
As we build our palette of personal community supporters and role models of positive people, let’s remember we may sincerely admire those individuals who can stay positive in the darkness of adversity. We love those leaders who can inspire and stay focused against difficult odds, the unknowns of life, the pain of difficult people, and downturns in the economy. How do we become like them? How do we build a personal practice of not fearing negativity or pain?
Practice. Self-inquiry. Practice.
Grab a notebook and create two columns: Positive and Painful.
Brainstorm and write down any activities, interactions, commitments, and people you have participated in the last week.
Write them down in the respective column. There may be a possibility that an activity or person actually gets placed in both columns! To make this easy, if a smile comes to your face, it’s positive. If your eyes immediately roll or you have to think about it, it’s painful.
In the painful column, review those activities, etc. that are painful. On a scale of 1-5, rate how painful the activity, etc. was. 1 – Sort of Painful. 5 – As painful as a migraine or a toothache. Grimacingly awful.
Debrief:
How many painful activities did you rate as a 4 – 5?
Are the 4 – 5s consistently painful, or was this a one-off week?
Are you receiving plenty of painless activities, etc. to off-set the painful ones?
What are you learning from your painful activities?
What will you do next?
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