This blog may irritate readers of different faiths, but I am going out on a limb on love. Yes, love is the great gift of the soul. Yet, we use the term “love” in so many different ways, but that is because there are different types of love. Love as a verb and then love has a state of being which seems to be the same – but isn’t.

I love a lot of things. I love food, flowers and a good book. l love my husband and I love Evernote to keep my thoughts somewhat organized. But “things” can be easier to love than people.

There are agape, philos, storge and eros types of love. Above and beyond loving everything from a nice wine, a home tool that improves efficiency or flowers that are doing exceedingly well in the Boesen meadow, I shoot for Philos. Philos love tells you it’s comforting and safe to be around the person. Perhaps when we say “I just LOOOVE XYZ, don’t you?” perhaps we are really saying “XYZ accepts me and makes feel safe to share me.”

To be loved, be loveable. There can be people you don’t want to be close to and who don’t add value to your life other than to make life “interesting.”  I have times I know I am not being lovable and have to catch myself and rethink what I just did. In thinking how I can improve, these six ways to improve your loveability came to mind.

Six Ways to Improve Your Loveability

1) Be a help, not a hindrance. Ask for permission. Ask how you can best help. In however you are being helpful, demonstrate empathy. For 20 seconds, yes 20 seconds, sit back and think about how the other person is feeling in the situation, or how they may feel towards what comes out of your mouth or what you give them. What does 20 seconds feel like? Try this easy on line tool. 

2) See things as interesting, not as just different. My mother used to tell me, “when you are trying something new and you don’t like it, just say “this is interesting,” I think she was trying to show me how to eat foods in public that I didn’t like.  To have grace and poise and not hurt someone else’s feelings or worse, make a scene. But seeing things as “interesting” even if they aren’t my cup of tea has kept my eyes, ears and mind open through life. Even if I don’t try it, I can say life is “interesting” and see how things, and people, add quality to my life.

3) Be the sage, not the expert.  No one likes a know-it-all but everyone appreciates wisdom, which to me, is knowledge well-placed and well-delivered. Be the sage.

4) Ask for help but don’t drain your resources. Western society puts independence on a pedestal to worship but the reality is, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t appreciate being asked to help.  Unless they are truly narcissistic – which is possible. I have known them and so have you. Societies are built on helping and well, communing. Commune a little. Receive and give.

5) Find Your Scarlett and leave yesterday behind you. Yes learn from the past, but don’t hang out there. There is a lot to be said for, “After all, tomorrow is – another day!”

6) Show appreciation. Thank you for taking 60 seconds to read this blog!

How do you sustain your loveability?


Lisa Boesen, MAOM, is a Certified Master Coach and HR Professional. She enjoys working clients who want to work through barriers, improve resilience and approach opportunities with renewed energy and curiosity. To request more information or a free consultation, click here. 

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